Random Observations from an Afternoon at the DMV

• The DMV attracts a potpourri of people. And not necessarily in a sweet smelling way.                                                                                           
• Chloe and I spent the entire time whispering so as not to get our butts kicked from humorous comments gleaned from people mocking watching. We also tried to laugh quietly and wipe our laughing tears before they ran down our cheeks.

• The sign that says NO ABUSIVE LANGUAGE OR CONDUCT is up for a reason. This has probably been a problem at some point…..possibly it is a daily problem…..and I think I know why.

• Most of the people that work there seem very crabby. Nothing you do will remedy this situation.

• The first thing Chloe said to me was, “I don’t think I like it here.” (I hear ya, kiddo.)

• There were several large wads of human hair under the chairs in front of us. I can only imagine the circumstance that caused them to appear.

• All signs are handwritten and stuck up with tape. Can they not order appropriate signage? At the very least, does no one there have a computer and printer? Or access to a laminator?

• We hoped for “sunglasses on her head lady” because she seemed the nicest. We hoped against “handwritten cashier sign lady” because she was very frowny faced.

• We heard “sunglasses on her head lady” say to the man in front of us, “If you don’t have that part memorized, it’s written on the wall.” What?

• It was hard to figure out when we were going to be next. F 229, F 230, H 111, B 124, H 112, H 113, A 145, F 231. We were F 231…..which should follow directly behind F 230. This is not the case. I think they do this to keep us off balance and make sure they somehow have a mental advantage.

• At one point someone was called to “Window 10.” This must’ve been a super secret window because there were only windows 1-6.

• While Chloe was taking her vision test and reading off line 5 “sunglasses on her head lady” (Yay! We got her!) was in no way paying attention to her answers. She was instead filling out a form. This makes me a smidge concerned that many of the people on the road may not actually be able to see the road.

• Roaming DMV workers wore lanyards with laminated name badges. We were impressed that they were not handwritten with stick figure pictures.

• Three lanyard wearing workers were needed to help translate a test for one person.                                                                                                      
• Apparently speaking English is in no way a requirement to get a driver's license.

• The handmade “No Cheating” type sign was the only sign where highlighter was applied to stress the importance of said sign. However, a man taking the test, opening his wallet, and reading off a card was in no way reprimanded, even though there was a official lanyard wearing man nearby.                                                                                                       
• Chloe immediately used hand sanitizer when we got to the car. Please note that we are not normally hand sanitzer using people. Such was the icky.  

• Chloe passed with a 100%. I’m sure some people pass with a D-. These are the people with whom we share the road.                                                                                                                                                 
• All's well that ends well.

A Typical Conversation with My Teenager

Alex: What is for dinner?

Me:  mmmmmffff. I don’t know. How hungry are you?

Alex: I don’t know.

Me: On a scale of one to hungry, how hungry are you?

Alex: 14.

Me: That’s really hungry.

Alex: I don’t really understand your scale. I’m fish hungry.

Me: Fish is not very hungry.

Alex: You have weird scales.

Me: That’s a normal scale.

Alex: Then, I am hippo.

Me: That’s very hungry.

Alex: Then some other childhood game animal less than hippo.

Me: What do hippos eat?

Alex: Small animals.

Me: Really??

Alex: I’m pretty sure they’re carnivores.

Me: But, they have such cute teeth.

Alex: No. They have fangs.

Me: In the cartoons, they have teeth like marshmallows.

Alex: Look it up.

Me: (google images-hippo teeth) Wow. Those are not like the cartoons.

Alex: Hippos are ferocious.

Me: But, look. (google images-cartoon hippo teeth) They’re cute. Totally marshmallow teeth.

Alex: In their natural state, they are not very kid friendly.

Me: I see that.

Alex: Hippos are fast.

Me: What?

Alex: Super fast.

Me: I could outrun a hippo.

Alex: No. Google.

Me: (google images-how fast can a hippo run?)  [Picture of a man being chased by a hippo]

Alex: See.

Me: oops. I’m still on images.

Alex: ( googles without image filter) “…30mph”

Me: Wow.

Alex: I will get in the car and go get us some foods.

Me: Finally.

Good vs. Evil

Today I was brought nearly to tears three times. This is a pretty big feat for me. I don't tend to be very emotional. What caused this surge in my touchy-feely side? My kids, of course.

The first time tears welled up, it was because I was so frustrated. The kids were arguing. Constant bickering all morning. It was driving me crazy. Why couldn't they just get along? And goodness, if they couldn't get along, couldn't they just stay away from each other?

I decided to get out of the house with them. A change of scenery is always good, right? They really needed to burn off some energy, so we hit the new indoor playland at McDonalds. After eating, it was like they were different kids. Kind. Respectful. Considerate. Okay. Weird. They ran off to play while I flipped through a magazine.

About fifteen minutes later, a mommy with three little ones came up to me and told me how wonderful my kids were. They were helping her kiddos up and down. They were playing with them and encouraging them. She said she usually cringes when older kids show up because they are so inconsiderate. Okay. So, that warms a mommy's heart. I told her I remembered my days as a mom of little ones as rather difficult. Her three were infant, twoish, threeish. I shared how mine were nineteen months apart and fifteen months apart. Know what she said? "Wow, it's hard now, but it's great to know mine can turn out just as wonderful as yours." Really? Yeah, almost tears.

Then next stop was Target. Chloe needed jeans. Of course, I was dreading it, because there was trying on to be done. I didn't think the boys would be very patient. Chloe went to try on a few pairs. They boys ran off to the bathroom. Chloe needed a new size, so I went off to find it. When I got back to the fitting room, the boys were back. They were sitting quietly on chairs, playing tic tac toe with each other. The fitting room lady comment on what well behaved children I had. And for the third time, almost tears.

So, what is the moral to this story? I'm not sure. But, it made me think a lot about perception and absolutes. Sometimes we need an outside source to help us put our day in perspective. My kids aren't always bad. Nor are they always good.  Please keep reminding me of this. K? Because they're starting to fight again.

And after all that....this is what I want to know: Why is it called a pair of jeans? I understand why it's called a pair of shoes or a pair of socks. But, pants are not a pair. They are singular. And I don't think it's because it has two legs. Shirts have two sleeves, and they aren't called a pair. Ideas?

More Happy Hilbert Car Ride Conversation

Josh: What country do you think has the most technology?

Nate: California.

Chloe: California is a state.

Josh: Like Illinois. (pronounce Illi Noise)

Me: Josh, it’s Illinois. It rhymes with annoy.

Josh: Oh. Really? Well, good thing it’s not a country. It’s small. Someone would take us over. What is the biggest country?

Me: I’m not sure.

Josh: Is Russia pretty big?

Nate: They call it Russia because they rush around because it's so big.

Josh:  We own England, don’t we?

Me: Uh. No. Why do you think that?

Josh: Isn’t that what General Washington was fighting for?

Nate: Wait. California is a state?

Nate: I want to be an actor. In movies.

Josh: I want to be in the army. They get to use guns.

Chloe: Really, Josh?

Josh: It fulfills my dream of blowing things up. They’ve got to do a lot of pushups. And they don’t get good food. Nevermind. I don't want to do that.

Just a Typical Happy Hilbert Car Ride

(Heard inside the Happy Hilbert Minivan during one twenty minute drive home from church.)

Josh: Chloe, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Chloe: I’m not sure.

Nate: I want to be a male model.

Josh: Hey! That’s what I want to be.

Josh:  Sheesh. Everywhere we go, everyone knows me.

Nate: Me, too.

Josh: They say that my mom talks about me all the time or they know my mom or something.

Chloe: That’s because mom is a social butterfly.

Josh: Yeah, she’ll talk to anyone.

Me: I used to be shy when I was your age. I didn’t talk very much.

Josh: That can’t be right.

Nate: Are we on the internet?

Chloe: Sometimes mom blogs.

Josh: And, of course, we’re famous on Facebook.

Josh:  I hate flies. What do flies do?

Me: Uh, fly?

Josh: No, what are they good for?

Me: Frogs eat them.

Nate: What are frogs good for?

Me: Birds eat them.

Josh: What are birds good for?

Me: They spread around seeds.

Nate: Oh. That’s what flies are good for.

 

Me: Any chance you guys could settle down and be quiet for a few minutes?

Josh: But, what should we do?

Me: Anything that’s not loud. How about quietly pray?

Josh: Mom, you’re so funny.

Taco Bell drive thru guy:  Why aren’t you kids in school?

Me: We homeschool.

TBG: You’re not at home.

Me:  Well, we’ve got to eat.

TBG: You should have home ec and cook.

Me: Uh. Good idea. We’ll do that tomorrow. Today, we’re having Taco Bell.

TBG: (to Chloe) Quick! What’s ten times ten?

Chloe: um. A hundred.

TBG: See. Now you learned something today.

Nice try

After my umteenth frustrating encounter with Nathan, my reluctant homeschooler, I went upstairs, grabbed my bible and tried to gain some perspective. I went to the book of wisdom and since today is the 30th, I read Proverbs 30. 


Ah Ha! Wisdom granted. I found exactly what I needed. I went downstairs to quote scripture to my young son. 


Me: "Alright, listen up. I'm going to read you something.


"Proverbs 30, verse 17 'The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures.'"


Nate: "What does that mean?"


Me: "It means you'd better obey or your eye is going to get plucked out and eaten."


Nate: "That's not true."


Me: "It's in the bible. Of course, it's true."


Nate: "It can't be. I disobey lots of times...and I still have my eye."


Me: "sigh."

What I want to be when I grow up

I remember the terrible dread of having to give a speech in Mr. Anfinson's 5th grade class. I was a pretty shy girl. (Believe it or not.) I remember the days leading up to it. I remember sitting in the class waiting for my turn. I actually remember standing in front of the class for those awful three minutes. I do not remember, however, what my speech was on. Not that it really matters.

Chloe (my fourth grader) just participated in the patriotic program at school. She was a bundle of nerves all week and I totally sympathized with her. I remember the freaking out feeling of having to talk to a group of people. She pushed through it and did a fabulous job as Clara Barton. I was and am so proud of her.

Now the funny thing is...I also had a speaking gig this week. I got to talk to around a hundred mommies about marriage. It was a blast! No dread. No fear. Just the comfort of knowing myself and what I am capable of and knowing my God and knowing He has equipped me to do just this. If you could've shown the forty one year old me to the ten year old me, I don't think she would've believed it.

This was the first time I've spoken to a group outside of my home church. I've been in front of smaller groups and larger groups, but always with people I know in the audience. So, my only reservation was that it would be somehow different...that I wouldn't be quite myself.

Well, no worries. I was 100% me...no compromises. I do have to say, it was a fabulous group of women. They were warm and welcoming. And (thankfully!) they laughed at my jokes.  I love how motherhood creates this fabulous universal bond. We don't all live the same lives, but we have amazingly similar experiences. I was comfortable. The mommies were comfortable. And I have to say...a good time was had by all.

I think this is what I want to be when I grow up.

Writing or speaking - I want to be:  

Beth Hilbert - Mommy Encourager!

Word of the day: Frustration

Frustration. That could seriously be the word of just about every day around here. Husband. Wife. Four kids. Dog. There's a lot of room for crazy here at the Happy Hilbert House.

Today it is the word of the day because of child number three. Well, not because of him, exactly...but, because his brain is wired a little differently. Josh has Sensory Processing Disorder. He was diagnosed two years ago and we have been on a wild ride ever since.

Let's just assume my brain is wired correctly. (Yes, I know this may be a big leap, but humor me, okay?) I'm sitting in the kitchen at the computer. If I focus and listen hard I can hear the clock ticking, the computer keys, the furnace, the ringing phone, my breathing. If I concentrate on my sense of touch I can feel the keys as I press them, the phone in my hand, my soft shirt, my dry skin on my legs, my sore throat, my wet hair, and my sore neck muscles. I taste my tea, know it's hot, and smell its wonderful smell. I can smell the dog, too. That smell isn't so great. Because my brain is wired correctly, I have "volume" control on all these things. That's a good thing. Can you imagine what it would be like to try to think and act and behave with everything you see, touch, hear, smell, and experience shouting at you at the same level?

Well, that's my Josh. He processes different. He is overwhelmed by just experiencing life. Once he's hyper-stimulated, that's when the crazy behavior starts. Also, if he doesn't get enough movement and motion and working of his muscles, that need manifests in aggression. We are in the middle of a very difficult season with him right now. All we have done and are doing no longer seems to help.

We've taken Josh to therapy. We've gone to Occupational Therapy with him. We've read many books. We've talked to other parents. We've joined yahoo groups. We've read internet sites. We've taken a class at Easter Seals. We've worked with Josh. We've worked with his teachers. I think really we've exhausted our resources.

So. I am frustrated. I'm frustrated by the way this changes my life and his life. I am frustrated by the way things pop up out of the blue and put my plans and dreams on hold. I am frustrated that I'm not the one in the driver's seat. But, I am also ever so in love with the little guy and I have no doubt that God has big plans for him.

What I am coming to terms with is that Josh isn't a problem to be solved. He is a person to be loved. I can't cure him. I can help him learn to cope with his surroundings a bit better. He will continue to "outgrow" some of his issues. He will become more adept at managing his symptoms. But, we will continue to take steps forward and slides back for many more years. And I'm in for the duration.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5